No Longer Surviving

When I was 17, I used to think that I knew exactly how life was going to be and I was going to have a perfect life. I felt like I was an adult and I knew better than my mom. So I moved out at the age of 17 and into the home of a 35 year old man because I was so grown. That experience is for another post. But now I think about and saw if I would have made better choices, how different life would be and that I was not as smart as I thought I was. How I wish I can go back to that place where I was caught in the middle of being a child and a young adult and make different decisions.

My 17-year-old daughter is now caught in the middle and she feels like she knows best. As her mother, I see her making some of the mistakes that I did and I desperately try to control her actions as a way of helping her avoid those same pitfalls. I was not helping the situation but making things worst.

What I was doing was really for me and not for her. She was the girl that I could not be growing up so if she felt like something was wrong and she voiced it. She was fierce independent and knew her boundaries and had it established. The problem was that she was using on me and I did not like that. I started to take her actions as attacks on my parenting skills and how she does not respect me and how she is not listening to me and how she was just being so difficult. I was causing myself so much anxiety and stress on myself because I was trying to control her and make her go the way that I wanted her to go and what was the best for her.

When I realized what I was doing, I had to change my perspective. She was not trying to disrespect me, hurt my feelings or stress me out and it was unfair that I was trying to make her feel guilty for how I felt. I am in control of my feelings and the only person that I can truly control is myself. It took some time and practice to stop reacting and instead communicate how her behaviors are being perceived and how it affects others. I took the “me” part out of the equation and started communicating with her on how she felt and what actions or situations produced certain responses. I had to understand that she is learning who she is in the world and how she sees herself and the natural consequences that comes with her actions. I am there as a safety net that we can practice better ways of communicating and how to make the best decision before she gets out of this world.

Colossians 3:21 tells me in my understanding not to provoke your children or to cause aggravation or they will become discouraged. Having a relationship with all of my children are important so I do not want to pull away from me and not speak to me because the lack of my understanding. If I find myself frustrated, I need to seek God in prayer for wisdom in responding or not responding. Every action does not require a reaction.

The world will already deal a hand that they may not deserve so I would need to an avenue of hope and comfort for them. At the end of the day, I want them to live and not survive their life.