No Longer Surviving

I have begun to believe that everybody does not have common sense and I know I may suffer from a lack of common sense sometimes. But it befuddles me that I see people consistency do not use common sense. What is common sense? When I Googled it and according to the Oxford dictionary, it can be defined as is having good sense and making sound decisions on practical matters. So I would think that everyone would have good sense and it should be normal right?

Wrong, common sense is not possessed by a lot of people according to me. You see I had to say according me because of the way that I was thinking was causing myself frustration. One of the hardest things that I had to work on is understanding that people do not think the way I think or behave the way I do. I used to be okay with thinking that way but I still found myself frustrated with people who I felt did not use “common sense”. So lets dig deeper, why am I frustrated when I know that we are all different and I do not get frustrated all of the time but some of the time.

Then it hit me, it is not that I have common sense but since I was very young during middle school, I had to learn how to make practical and sound decision based on my childhood decisions. I am the oldest of 4 girls and not real parental guidance as they were fighting their own issues that we will talk about in a future blog. Since my sisters and I were left alone a lot of the time, I had to learn how to care of my youngers sisters and myself. I learned how to be resourceful with the little that we had, how to make the most efficient decision to accomplish what I needed to do at the time. I was self taught in a lot of things and I had little guidance but when my parents were able, they did teach me what they could.

The decisions that had to be made was what is the best way that I can do a task that would have the least disruption to all around me. Or what can I do to keep balance in the home or keep the peace. I made decisions to survive as a young child and learning how to be resourceful was a survival technique.

What caused me to be angry was the fact that, I could not understand why the other person could not figure it out or they were too scared to try it because they may be wrong. That anger were misplaced as it was not anger in the sense of the word, but it was more resentment that I felt that I have to figure things out when I just want to worry about me. I was experiencing feelings that I had as a child and they were showing up when I felt people did not have common sense. It was the inner me stating that if I could figure it out why you couldn’t.

What I am coming to terms with is that I do not need be angry with other people because this skill of being resourceful was not developed. I should not be resentful of other people who may have not had to live the way that I lived so they did not have to learn that. I also had to think to myself, they may also may be flustered because they can not solve an issue quickly or may not be confident with the decision. Changing my perspective, changed my view on “common sense”.

Then I look at my children and the way I raised them. I did not teach them to be this hyper-independent person that had to figure it out on their own. I offer guidance and support in way that I wished I had growing up. So they do not always the decision the way that I make them because they are different. So it is really not about common sense at all and I should not become angry just because they could not figure it out like I did. Instead, show them how to resolve the problem, give insight because I now look at my resourcefulness as a skill or a gift and I can help people develop it in a healthy way.

Job 34:4 states that we should learn for ourselves what is good and we should also learn together what is good. So we will first learn what works best for us in resolving issue or problem and we should also share what is good among us all. So instead of me being angry that a person is not using “common sense” but educate other ways that a problem can be solved. Use your skills to encourage or promote others and that is always good. We are learning to live and not just survive so lets help others live too.